- I am realizing there is way more inside me I want to say, share, and uncover.
- Writing is and always has been the most powerful form of healing in my life (After God).
- I was not sure if I would live past 23 years when I nearly died from an eating disorder in 2020, and I want to share these points to celebrate the life I still have.
That being said, here are the top things I have learned in twenty-four years:
1. Invest in the time it takes to find what really works for you.
It can take so long and a LOT of trial and error to discover, yet once you do, it is life-changing! This can be sleeping (early/later), eating (mindful/intuitive), moving (physical activity), relaxing (hobby, stress-relief)...literally anything that makes you feel and function at YOUR very best.
- Only you can know what this is.
- It will be different for everyone.
- DO NOT compare it because if it works for you, it works for you.
(Examples for me: mindful eating, daily walks outside, evening self-care routine).
Once you find these, make it part of your life. Practice them as often as you can.
2. Know whether you are an evening or morning person.
This falls in line with #1, knowing this you can plan more of your activities for this time in the day. You are able to do more because you know when you can function best, regardless of cultural or pressurized standards.
I fought this for years thinking I should have a full-on early morning routine, after hearing that was 'most productive or successful'...Once I stopped forcing that and realized I truly feel/do better in evenings, this hugely helped me!
3. Life would not be worth it if there was no pain or suffering.
Sometimes we think, especially in the hardest moments, that life would be so much better without ______ pain. Yet without it, we would not have real joy, understanding, and massive growth in personal character to the depths that we do.
4. There is always another option.
I remember one therapist saying this to me...no matter what it is, there is always an option to change, try a new approach, or look at it in a different way.
You are never trapped or 'stuck.'
5. You never know the full story.
Everyone is fighting something. There are endless factors that are involved in your time with someone.
Believe that they are 'doing the best with what they have within their current ability.'
This continues to help me from holding onto negative experiences with anyone, be more at peace with the interaction, and remove any personal responsibility that is not mine.
6. Learn about boundaries.
Knowing proper boundaries and being able to reinforce them for yourself and others, is endlessly helpful. It hugely improves your personal/professional life, relationships, and health.
7. Your timetable can be different.
You know the general trajectory of how 'life should play out?' Certain years with certain associations of 'correct' living? (School, career, relationships, ex). That is actually non-existent.
This continues to help me from holding onto negative experiences with anyone, be more at peace with the interaction, and remove any personal responsibility that is not mine.
6. Learn about boundaries.
Knowing proper boundaries and being able to reinforce them for yourself and others, is endlessly helpful. It hugely improves your personal/professional life, relationships, and health.
7. Your timetable can be different.
You know the general trajectory of how 'life should play out?' Certain years with certain associations of 'correct' living? (School, career, relationships, ex). That is actually non-existent.
My life changed when a Christian lady mentoring me shared that God can have completely different times and time frames of everything happening in your life. And it can look really, really different than most if not everyone around you. And that does not mean it is 'wrong' or that you are behind. In fact, it can actually be that you have been allowed to go through something so significant that the time taken to get through is for a greater purpose than you even realize.
I am not saying to not try, or take forever to do something, but if you are working as hard as you can and feel 'behind,' or like you 'should be' somewhere or something or someone you are not, know that this is for you.
8. Take care of yourself first.
Yes it is important to love and put others 'before yourself', but you are helpless if you have not been cared for physically, spiritually, and emotionally. It will also do more damage to others and you if the first part is lacking.
Self-care is not a luxury: it is a basic and integral need you have. Never feel badly about making sure you are stable before anything else.
If you still struggle, know that when you are investing in yourself, you are already investing in others. You will feel much better and be in a quality place to help those around you!
9. Stop more often.
Look around you. Really look and notice. Whatever it is, be fully present.
10. Remember other people.
Take time to go back and thank someone who deeply helped, encouraged, or strengthened you. Make time to call or text or get together. Even if it is brief, stay in touch and let them know how much they mean. You will not only encourage others but grow as a person through regular involvement.
11. Flip your weakness.
Take your greatest struggle and learn the opposite. How can you turn this horrible issue into something useful, impactful, or amazing?
We often remember that 'every strength has its weakness' but forget that every weakness also has its strength.
Fear? Learn all you can about faith. What does it look like for you to start living in that?
12. Use micro habits.
If you struggle to stick to anything consistently or want to change a habit, do it for 1 minute. If it is 30 or 60 minutes as your ultimate goal, just do that. Almost every time I do this, I end up doing more and still feel accomplished because I did something. Over time you get used to doing it without the pressure, enjoy it more, and eventually it can become a regular habit.
13. Every bit counts.
Any and everything you do to change, every bit of effort, and every step - every. Single. One.
It does not matter how small or how many steps it takes. Everything you do day in and day out to move yourself forwards, especially out of depression, anxiety, addiction, or whatever you battle. Especially if it has gone on for years.
I want you to know that I see, I understand, and I believe in you.
14. Time does not heal.
You cannot wait for a miracle or healing to happen, you have to put in the work constantly, over and over and over. It may seem like nothing is happening, yet so much is under the surface. We can think we know everything about ourselves and our progress, but I am not sure we really can. Sometimes others can see progress we have not been able to see. Other times we can see and know progress that they do not see, understand, or even believe. Remember to not get caught up in either one: just do what you can, as you can, with all you have. Anything is possible.
15. Simplify.
Simplify as much as you can. Narrow down steps, decisions, items, routines, and choices. This will bring way more clarity, peace, efficiency, time, and healing to your life.
16. Count the victories.
Often it is so easy to only think of our struggles, frustration, or falling short. Yet we forget all the ways we have improved, what we already accomplished, or a point that was reached after so long. Keep a running list of every victory in your life. Again, no matter how small, it is unique to you and your journey. If you know you overcame or did something you are proud of, it matters.
17. Always be open.
Always be open to the ideas of others, opinions, or concepts. Stand firmly by what you believe in, but also be willing to be wrong. Ask questions and stay in a learning state.
18. Work, play, rest.
Work hard, but also do one thing you love everyday if possible. Having something (no matter what it is) to look forward to helps get you through the difficult moments, recharge, and feel motivated again. Rest well, even if it is for a few minutes throughout your day, and really try to disconnect from everything at nighttime.
19. Look for surprises.
Stay aware of anything that comes up, that is around, or what you experience as joy. It could be the stranger that made your day with kindness, your dog acting hilarious in a way you had never seen, or discovering what you never knew before.
20. Accept.
Accept what happened, where you have been, your tendencies/struggles, your gifts, your time. Accept the difficulty and the process, and that it will not always be this way. Accept that people are limited, that this has been chosen for you, or that growth is painful.
Acceptance is the bridge from where you have been to where you want to be.
21. Enjoy everything you can.
Life is short. Time IS limited. Reality can be a dark shadow.
In the midst of it all, pick up the moments of hope, relief, or peace along the way. Carry them with you through the valleys, and when it gets darker, pull one out and rest in it.
22. Say no and yes more often.
No to places, people, or situations that you know are not right for you.
Yes to places, people, or situations that could be beneficial, even if challenging.
The more you know yourself, the more you will be able to carefully discern which one to use: when to push yourself and when not to.
23. Communicate.
It is always better to be up front, direct, and honest about anything. It can be really difficult, yet this protects, strengthens, and builds relationships.
24. It is better to be patient than right.
If you argue a point to where it costs the relationship with someone, it is not worth it. Agree to disagree, or not continue if it is rapidly descending. Either way the person will eventually see what you were trying to tell them, or learn from what they decide.
25. There is a middle ground.
If you cannot decide on something, whether it is with yourself or another, meet somewhere in the middle. That way you can feel heard and understood, offer respect, yet also move forward and not remain in a bind. This looks like doing or going somewhere you may not be comfortable with, yet is manageable.
26. We can change more than we realize.
There is a lot outside of our control, and at the same time, so much we can do ourselves to increase fulfillment, growth, and satisfaction in our lives.
At any time we can expand our knowledge (read, watch, listen to a reputable resource), make a tiny adjustment, shift a time in our daily schedule, add or remove something, or believe a new thought.
Obviously not everything is adjustable, but there is always something we can do differently.
27. Anything worth doing is a sacrifice.
It can cost time, energy, or finances, yet whatever you do that is 110% worth it, is going to require you to sacrifice more than you probably realize. Do not let that stop you. If you believe it is worth the effort, keep investing in another person, yourself, or situation. Sometimes it takes years before a return is seen.
I promise you it will be worth it if you do not give up.
28. It is never too late.
It is never too late to be who you really want to be. At any age you can change, turn, repent, learn, or feel the very best you can: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Sometimes what takes the longest can be the most rewarding in the end.
29. Not everyone will understand.
No one can ever fully understand you in your perspective, or what you are going through - unless they have been through it themselves. It can be difficult under pressure, but knowing you do not need to explain everything can save a lot of angst.
Being able to trust yourself and your decisions provides a huge amount of empowerment, brings more peace, and helps the changes you are making become easier.
30. Find what resonates with you.
I could have saved myself so much grief and time by now if I truly had gone with what my intuition was telling me in some areas. Instead of over researching, thinking, planning, talking, or asking others - literally listen to your own instinct when you know you can in personal decisions. I have found that there is nothing I have been able to stick with unless I completely believed in it. Even after trying multiple other ways that I 'thought' were better, it was not until I finally stopped and did what I had been considering all along that caused changes to happen.
07-09-21