THE LIGHT FADES IN EVENING AS I TASTE BLOOD IN MY MOUTH AND FEEL TEARS DRIED ON MY EYES. AFTER NO SLEEP AND A LONG NIGHT WITH PTSD, I MADE IT THROUGH ANOTHER DAY, BUT HEARD SIRENS SEVERAL TIMES AGAIN LOUD AND CLEAR, PROBABLY THE SAME ONES THAT TOOK ME A FEW DAYS AGO. I STARTED SOBBING AND WANTING TO DIE. SO MUCH HAPPENED THAT HAS MADE THIS LAST ONE THE MOST TRIGGERING THING FOR ME IN ALMOST TEN YEARS AFTER ALL ELSE I HAVE BEEN THROUGH, FOR REASONS I STILL CANNOT TALK ABOUT BUT HAS TO DO WITH MY MOST SEVERE MEDICAL TRAUMA OVER THE YEARS. RIGHT AFTER CRYING, I HAD ANOTHER NOSEBLEED ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR WITH A SEIZURE. I AM RELAPSING HARD WITH SOMETHING THAT HAS NOT HAPPENED IN MANY YEARS AGAIN, BUT DESPITE ALL MY WORK, IT SEEMS LIKE NOTHING IS GOING WELL ANYMORE. I TRY BUT STILL CANNOT SHAKE THE MEMORIES AND FEELINGS THAT ARE SUFFOCATING. IT IS ALL TOO MUCH.
- RKD
02-27-25